Chapter Two

"Now is the age of anxiety." - W.H. Auden

I was sitting in the living room when I heard the news about Evan Saunders. He had been a student at Berkeley High School, just thirty minutes or so away. The anchor woman said that the eighteen-year-old had gone missing a week ago. His body had finally been found early that morning. There were obvious signs of struggle, but no suspects had been called out.

“Isn’t that terrible? I want you to be careful. Who knows when they'll catch the person responsible,” Mom said while walking through the living room and towards the kitchen. Following after her was Petya, a short woman with a thick accent from some Eastern European country. She was also my mother’s personal doctor. That was one of the first things to gain popularity. Hospitals literally rented out doctors to the people who could afford it.

Sadly, my mother was one of those people.

What about the people who couldn’t afford doctors? Even more importantly, what about the people who really needed doctors, but couldn’t afford them?

Of course, I couldn’t bring this up to my parents.

“They have no idea why he was killed,” I told her.

On the TV screen there was a scene of the Evan’s family. He had two other siblings and both of his parents. I felt my heart break for their loss. And then the clip was over.

Now, on the screen was a middle-aged man dressed in casual clothes sitting a table across from a teenage girl. It was an ad for something. Probably something to help teens communicate with their parents. Not wanting Mom to hear it and get any ideas, I turned off the TV and got up off the couch, taking my empty cereal bowl with me. I had a few more minutes before school to kill.

Walking into the kitchen, I saw Petya and Mom looking over a catalog. I was a little curious about it, but knew better than to ask. If I did it would only mean that I would be dragged into the latest, fashionable “flaw.”

So, ignoring the two, I went straight to the sink and rinsed out my bowl. I had barely made it to the doorway when Mom said my name.

“Yes?” I asked turning to look at her.

“I was just wondering, how are the pills working?” she asked glancing up at me before looking back down at the catalog. She pointed to something in it and Paula nodded her head.

“Yeah,” I told her, trying to look convincing.

At that moment Petya looked up at me. Sometimes I get the strangest feeling like she can tell that I’m lying. But, I don’t know how she would ever know. I act just like everyone else, constantly berating my body and worrying that there’s something else wrong with me. Really, I just don’t like Petya. She’s literally making money off of problems that my family doesn’t really have.

Quickly, I moved out of the kitchen.

“I’m going to head out a little early,” I told Mom while reaching for my backpack in the hallway. That’s when I noticed that the other half of my parental unit was missing. “Where’s Dad?”

“He’s upstairs,” she said. “The pills he’s taking really knocked him out last night.”

“Is he going to be okay?” I asked while moving to the kitchen doorway, frowning at the thought that Dad was still out cold. Sometimes I worried about the people I cared for crossing the thin line between harmless flaws and true problems. What if my dad didn’t wake up from his sleep? What if the pills he had taken were too strong? I shook my head, wanting to clear my mind of those morbid thoughts.

Mom looked up at me and nodded, offering me a reassuring smile. “He’ll back to his normal self in no time. Petya said that the pills would really help with his sleeping problems,” she said. Then, she looked at Petya. “I don’t know what we would do without you. Henry didn’t even realize he was having such difficulty with his sleeping until you asked.”

I turned away so I could roll my eyes. I wanted to tell them that Dad never had sleep problems. That this was all in his head right now, and who knew what those pills were doing to him!

“’Bye Mom,” I called before stepping out the front door.

“’Bye!” Mom called back. “Be careful!”

By lunch time the news about the kid in Berkeley had spread all over the school. People were wondering what had happened, who could have killed him.

“I wonder if it was gang related,” Zoe said as we sat down for lunch.

Zoe Hartley is the closest thing I have to a friend. She's a bit eccentric and has been told she has ADHD. She bounces off the walls like a pin ball. Personally, I think it's the coffee she's always drinking.

I shrugged. “I hope they find the person, though,” I said while pulling out my Tupperware container with my new diet salad and then my fake pills for my newest problem, anxiety. If I didn’t find a better alternative to Smarties, then I was really going to have a flaw. The kind that comes with tooth aches and dentists.

“Did you hear about Harriet McFarland?” Zoe asked while pulling out her own Tupperware container filled with her vegetarian food.

“No, what happened?” I asked as I pulled out two Smarties.

“Apparently she was so worried about her figure that she became addicted to going to the gym,” Zoe informed me. “She over did it one day and collapsed.”

“Is she okay?” I asked before washing my two “pills” down with water.

Zoe nodded. “Yeah, she’s in the hospital. Her parents are going to send her to a therapist in order to overcome her body issues.”

I frowned at the thought. If I remembered correctly, Harriet was a tiny girl, maybe a little over five feet. She barely had had any meat on her bones. What kind of body issues did she have? She looked like a freaking supermodel half the time.

“I hope she gets better,” I said.

Zoe, though, was already focusing on something else. “Do you know what Mr. Smith told me?” she asked while stabbing at her tofu lasagna furiously.

Really, she needed to chill back on the caffeine.

“No, what?” I asked looking up at her curiously.

She stabbed at her food some more, not managing to pick up any of it onto her fork. “He told me that I don’t have any theatrical flair!” she cried angrily, drawing the attention of some people sitting further down at our table.

Smiling to myself, I pushed my salad around. It was supposed to be a special salad, one that helped ease anxiety. Really, it was just a normal salad.

“I am filled with so much freaking theatrical flair!” She stabbed her food a few more times before giving up in a huff.

If only Mr. Smith could see her now.

Zoe is a tiny person with a large personality. At first glance she looks like the last person who would consider herself flawed. She seems so confident. Except, that I know how deep her insecurities run. Her father left her at a young age and ever since she's been trying to make up for that missing part of her life. That was her first issue, the one that started it all. I think sometimes that she just wants to prove that there are other things "wrong" with her in order to bury what she calls the "daddy issue."

While my world is certainly strange, it is fairly normal. The day to day things like school and work still happen. People don't all look the same. They just happen to be brainwashed. School revolves around the same subjects that they always have. There are sports and other activities.

I should make this clear: In my world there are no flying cars, hover boards, or time machines. Only large companies looking for the next dollar.

Just as I was thinking of something to say to Zoe, something to comfort her, an announcement came on over the speakers.

"There will be an emergency assembly after lunch period," Mr. Davidson said over the intercom.

Zoe and I looked to each other.

"Wonder what that's about," I said.

She shrugged. "No clue."

By the time Zoe and I reached the assembly it was pretty packed full of students. We squeezed past most of the football team - who were all beefed up on helpful steroids and "natural" products - until we located two vacant seats.

"Settle down, settled down," Mr. Davidson said while walking out onto the stage. He raised his hands into the air to silence the rowdy crowd. Slowly, the roar turned into a silence.

I looked around before turning back to our principal.

"As you all know recently a student has been admitted into the hospital due to an obsession to perfect her image," he began.

Mr. Davidson never needs a microphone. His voice carries easily and his mere presence commands for obedience. No one messes with Mr. D.

"If any of you feel that you are unhappy with your image, or that you, too, are on the verge of becoming addicted to unhealthy ways to keep your body in a certain condition, please do not be afraid to ask for help," he said. When he looked out at us it felt as if he were looking at each and every one of us individually. It kinda gave me the creeps.

 "Now," he continued, clapping his hands together, "I believe you have all also heard of the young man's murder in Berkeley."

There was a mass nod of heads, myself included.

"Students, please take caution while walking around," he instructed. "Berkeley is not too far from here. So, please be careful. And, if anyone feels some anxiety or other issues relating to the matter, again, please feel free to come to any of the staff." Mr. D looked out over us once more. "All right, you are all dismissed."

There was a scurry of bodies moving to leave the large auditorium. I trailed after Zoe, thinking over Mr. D's words. How many students would feel that they needed to talk about their newfound issues revolving around Harriet's problems? Or, about the dead boy? I shook my head, a feeling of disgust settling in my stomach.

Wrong. This was all so wrong.

Chapter One

(This is a story I decided to put on my blog.)
"They say that nobody is perfect. Then they tell you practice makes perfect. I wish they'd make up their minds." - Winston Churchill

In my world everyone has problems and no one is happy unless there's something wrong with them. If they can't find it immediately then they go searching for something. Anything. Everyone wants to be flawed. It's the new craze. Companies make bank off of people and their insecurities. They always have. There have always been commercials to make you feel ugly. There have always been doctors to suggest that there's something wrong with you. Even, when you're beautiful. Even when there's nothing wrong with you.

In my world everyone wants to be perfectly flawed. It's the new trend.

My flaw is that I don't have one. This isn't to say I'm perfect looking. If you're expecting me to tell you that I'm a five foot, eight inches, perfectly curved, teenage girl then you are seriously wrong. I'm not ugly, and I'm not pretty. Just average. In fact, I will give no hints of what I look like physically. There's nothing about me that makes me stick out in the crowd.  However, while others around me where craving to wear glasses in order to have flawed vision, I had twenty-twenty vision. While my peers went through so many disorders I lost count of their names, I didn't. That's not to say that I'm not insecure. Because I am, just like any sixteen-year-old. I feel sadness. I feel anxiety. I'm human after all.

The reason my peers are all flocking to the latest doctor isn't because there's something wrong with them. It's because they want something to be wrong with them. And, if they look hard enough and pay enough money then they'll find something.

The hallways of my school are filled with people comparing their troubles.

It's sad because you can't tell the people who have real problems from the ones just looking to have issues in order to have a higher social status.

I was wrong earlier to say that I'm not flawed. Because there is something wrong with me. With my brain to be more correct. While the rest of the world is persuaded by subliminal messaging in commercials, I seem to be immune. And, for a while I went along being just normal. My parents were a little worried and took me to a shrink. They wanted there to be something wrong with me. And that's when the doctors found out about my immunity. I was quickly given a medicine that would make just like everyone else.

And, for a while I tried to take the medicine. Deep down, I didn't want to be the freak who everyone stayed away from because I didn't go running towards the latest therapy craze. It's strange to think that that's how my world operates. But, the medicine didn't work all the way. I always felt so fuzzy headed and...wrong. One morning I decided not to take it. I couldn't handle the strange buzzing in my head each time a commercial for some skin product came on. It was like my brain was fighting against itself. One half of my brain, that part of me that was real, didn't want to comply with the newest fad. Then, the other half , the side affected by the medicine, was urging me to go to the therapist to discover that I was actually OCD, or that I had issues with my parents.

Ever since then I've been pretending. I found a pair of glasses and acted like my vision was suddenly horrible. I carried around a pill bottle in order to overcome my sudden tics. If anyone looked close enough they would see it's just Smarties.

Soon, I blended in with my peers.

My name is Avery Brown.

Welcome to my world.

"Perfectly Flawed" by Otep

...The Movie Was Already Out!

So, I'm probably a little to jump on this bandwagon, but I am in love with Suzanne Collins's The Hunger Games! While I should have been doing schoolwork I found myself inhaling the first book of the trilogy. I was so addicted that I did that horrible skimming thing in order to get through the book as quick as possible. It was like I was in my own Hunger Game. I just could not put it down and when I finished I regretted having sped through it. I've decided to make Catching Fire my present to myself once I finish my art history paper. The second those three pages are written, though, I am going to start the second book. Ugh. Schoolwork  just gets in the way sometimes.

There series takes place in a country called Panem (once upon a time it was the United States). There are twelve districts (13 was destroyed because of the rebellion). Katniss lives with her mother and sister, Primrose. Each year two tributes are taken from a district (one boy, one girl) and are put into the Hunger Games. Katniess Everdeen takes the place of her sister and volunteers. Peeta Mellark is the other tribute, and to whom Katniss feels indebted because of past encounter when they were kids. Gale is Katniss's best friend and hunting partner. He is also in love with Katniss.

The book follows Katniss as she takes the place of her sister, prepares for the Games, and this is ultimately thrown into them. I am amazed by the ruthlessness of some of the characters, but the book I think is meant to show what many humans will do to survive.

The Hunger Games is quick paced and grabbed me from the beginning. There is no time wasted in putting the reader into the book. Any information that the reader might need can be found in flashbacks. Everything about the book felt natural. Katniss is a heroine that no one would mess with, but what I liked most about her character is how human she is. Especially in regards to her relationship with Peeta (I love the connection between their names and what their parents do!) and what she must do in the Games.

There are a lot of love triangles going on in books of late (Exhibit A: The Twilight Series), but I like the one in The Hunger Games. While in many books I have an idea of which character I want the heroine or hero to end up with, I cannot decide so easily on whether I like Gale or Peeta more.

All of the characters seemed so real to me. They had good points, but also flaws. Collins did a wonderful job of showing the kind of world the characters live in through personality. Everything Katniss does is because of the society she lives in. And, as I sneak in a few pages of Catching Fire, I learn that Haymitch is more than meets the eye.

The movie, scheduled to come out on March 23, 2012, will star Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss, Liam Hemsworth as Gale, and Josh Hutcherson as Peeta Mellark.

The Hunger Games had me wondering what I would do in a similar situation. It was more than that though. I wondered what life would be like in a world like the characters'. 

...It Was Autumn All of the Time

...These Aliens Existed

Article first published as <a href='http://blogcritics.org/books/article/the-power-of-six/'>The Power of Six</a> on Blogcritics.

            Recently there seems to have been an obsession with supernatural creatures in young adult fiction books. Everything from zombies to werewolves has been written about. Then, there are the books focusing on faeries and witches. However, very few books about aliens line the bookshelves. Until I started reading Pittacus Lore’s Lorien Legacies series, I did not realize that.

            Never before have I wanted to be an alien, or to know one. Lore’s books changed that completely. Suddenly I wanted to part of that world. I think that is one reason why Lore’s books stand out amongst the other young adult books.

            On August 23 Lore released the second book in the Lorien Legacies series: The Power of Six. The book starts where the first one, I Am Number Four, left off. John Smith (aka Number Four, Sam Goode, and Number Six are still on the run from the government because they presume that John is a terrorist rather than an alien learning to protect Earth.

            While I Am Number Four certainly had action in it, that book focused mostly on John Smith’s struggle with trying to be normal and his romance with Sarah Hart. In The Power of Six there is so much more action and I loved that about the book. At the same time I thought Number Seven’s struggle with her protector, Adelina, was an interesting relationship. Adelina, who is meant to teach Marina (Number Seven) about her legacies, or skills she will develop to help protect Earth, refuses to acknowledge her duties. Rather, Adelina has turned her life to serving God and pushed aside any connections with the world she came from.

            While there is very little action in those scenes, there is plenty of it in John Smith’s story, which also appears in The Power of Six. Without giving away too much, John Smith and the others have to run from a helicopter, save a lost item, and then fight against the big, bad Mogadorians who want to take over Earth.

There are also romantic issues to add to the story’s plot. It is more than just a love triangle in John Smith’s life. He believes that he will only love Sarah Hart, and yet he finds himself attracted to Six. To make complicate matters, Sam has a huge crush on Six. And, who does Six like? Well, I cannot spoil that part.

            My only problem reading the book was the abrupt change from Marina to John’s story. The only clue that Lore has changed characters is the styling of the font. As I moved through the story, it became less of a jolt and actually flowed well. However, that first time I was uncertain of what had happened. I expected the chapter to acknowledge the character’s point of view. Later in the story, though, the acknowledging of point of view would end up taking the reader from the story. The earlier chapters revolve around one point of view at a time. Then, when their stories begin to connect, it is not uncommon for two points of view per chapter. The movements happen quickly and the subtle change in font keeps the story moving without jolting the reader.

            I am sincerely excited about the third book and what will happen to the characters. A lot of new information is revealed at the end of the book. Plus, one of my favorite characters has gone missing so I am dying to see what happens to them.

            If you enjoy reading young adult books, but would like to read something unique, then I think the Lorien Legacies are for you. The books combine aliens, teenage issues, and action into an amazing series that deserves to be read. Much like the Harry Potter series, I think that this one is perfect for people of any age. It is not just for a younger market.

...The Book Had More To It

It is not uncommon while reading a book to wish that you could meet your favorite character, or characters. Maybe, you have even developed a crush on the protagonist. Possibly, you have even fallen for the antagonist. It is certainly a common phenomenon for the women who read Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice or Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight.

            Allison Van Diepen’s The Vampire Stalker is a story about a high school girl, Amy, who meets the man of her dreams – who also happens to be the main character from a popular book series.

            The Vampire Stalker takes place in present day Chicago and there is nothing strange about Amy’s life. She goes to school, spends time with her two best friends, and she reads. Amy, though, has fallen for Alexander Banks of the Otherworld series, which revolve around a very different Chicago where vampires exist. Alexander Banks is a vampire hunter in books’ version of Chicago. Amy writes fan fiction for books and even has an account on a fan site where her name is Mrs.AlexanderBanks8021.

            Then one night after a school dance, Amy is attacked. Who comes to her rescue? The very Alexander Banks from the Otherworld series she loves. He is in her Chicago to hunt down the main antagonist from the books, Vigo, a menacing vampire.

            The aspect I love most about this story is that Van Dieper brings a literary character into Amy’s world. Unlike many books out there, the leading guy is not a vampire. Instead, he is a vampire hunter. To me that is a nice change of pace from the scores of vampire books out there now after Twilight’s success. In the story Vigo has no seemingly no morals and therefore not against killing humans for sport. Vigo does not go against the monster he has become.

            In the two hundred and fifty-seven pages of the book, Amy manages to fall in love with Alexander as a person, learn to stand up to bullies, and help kill a vampire. Amy’s infatuation quickly turns from a hardcore crush on a book character to love for the man the character really is. Within a week or so Amy admits to Alexander that she loves him.

In my opinion, Amy confessing her love so early on did not seem realistic. Certainly the “real” Alexander Banks and the book version are similar and therefore it would be easy to know and love the character. However, what about the man himself? I did not feel like there was enough transition between Amy’s feelings for the book version to the “real” version of Alexander.

            The story was quick, and I wish that more had been written about Amy learning to love Alexander as a man, rather than a character. I felt like that could have been addressed further in order to show a lesson to readers that reality is so much different than fantasy.

Amy’s relationship with her father could have used more attention as well. Her father is brought in towards the end of the book and then nothing more is said of him. Did he return back to the woman he left Amy’s mother for? Did Amy say goodbye to him?

 The Vampire Stalker was nice, quick read. The story is perfect for young adults, mostly girls, who have ever developed a crush on a literary character. Amy is relatable because she is an average girl, but who also becomes more comfortable with herself throughout the story. I think two important points that Van Dieper touched on were that it’s okay to be different, even nerdy, and that you should stand for yourself, like Amy does with the bullies at her school.

            

...I Hadn't Spent So Much Time on YouTube

While I should have been preparing for an art history test (WHOOPS!) I ended up scouring YouTube for music. And, lucky I did or else I would not have learned about new bands (well to me, anyways) and new songs from old bands (ones that I have known about for a while, at least).

The first time I heard The Fray back in 2005 I was not too impressed. Something about the song "How to Save a Life" did not grab me immediately. But, like many of my favorite songs, I had to hear it over and over again. One friend, an avid Fray fan, introduced me to the rest of the songs on their first album. From then on I was kind of hooked. Now, the bands back with an upcoming CD titled Scars and Stories. I have already listened to the song "Heartbeat" only a gazillion and a half times. To me it has a different vibe compared to their other songs, but I could not explain to you what exactly is. Yet, there is definitely that Fray vibe. I guess maybe the vocals and guitar reminds me a little of Kings of Leon. Still, this song is The Fray's. I seriously wish I had the money to buy this song. There is just something romantic about the lyrics. When I listen to it I want to find someone to run away with, someone whose heartbeat I can feel and listen to. Really, no one does love songs like these guys. And, in my opinion, the lyrics are not too cheesy.

While watching TV (everyone needs a break from studying) I caught the trailer for the new season of The Walking Dead. The thing I enjoy most about that show is the characters. AMC brilliantly set up the plot and character issues in the first season. While there were certainly zombies in the first season, the second one promises even more. While I would love to go on a zombie rant (Zombieland, anyone?) I actually want to discuss the music from the trailer. Thanks again to television I have been shown a great new band: Wye Oak. Like the nerd I am, I instantly Googled "song from Walking Dead Trailer." The song "Civilian" plays in the trailer and is pretty much a brilliant song. The lyrics are honest and I think easy to relate to. And yet, I cannot explain them easily. They are from a woman's point a view and revolve around love and her own thoughts.

A lot of crap can be said about the Twilight movies, but their soundtracks are amazing. I learned that a band called Angus and Julia Stone would be on the lineup. Through a series of YoutTube suggestions I found the song "Lonely Hearts" which is Julia Stone's version of their original song "Just a Boy." I like Julia's take on the song and think it is interesting that she did not change the lyrics to fit her gender. The best way for me to describe her version is somber. Maybe, even haunting. Both versions are great, but I much prefer Julia's darker sound. Angus's comes across as more upbeat (though it's certainly not an overly happy sounding song). His has a romantic touch to it while Julia's has this sort of tragic vibe. Below are both versions of the song.

Speaking of amazing covers, I have been addicted to Birdy's version of "Shelter" by the XX. I love the XX and that song. But, I have to admit Birdy's version is quite powerful. She's only fifteen and yet so very talented. Birdy manages to portray the yearning that is in the original and I love the piano in it. To me it's a beautiful cover, one that does not completely trash the original. Maybe it's because of her age, but it is has such an innocence to it. But, I love the XX version because I love Romy Madley's voice and the amount of emotion in her voice, something that comes with age.

I think the next big song for graduations will be the song "Wetsuit" by The Vaccines. A song that pretty much sums of the feeling of summer in a little under four minutes. But, it has more than just a summer vibe to it. The song captures youth, too, and slowing down to enjoy it. If there ever was a song about Generation Y this would be it. Really, you just have to listen to this song and you'll understand its amazing-ness. Also, it is amazing how the band put together the music video by using photos that fans sent in from a music festival that The Vaccines were at.

All right, the last song: "Work" by 1,2,3. Seriously a catchy song. I listen to it every time  I go to work. And, for some reason, I suddenly want to throw on rain boots and jump around in puddles each time I hear it. Or, throw balloons filled with paint at a wall. Or, maybe do both at the same time. Now there is a wild idea. To me the song is just about working for society and not trusting that society at the same time. The song has a defiant tone and seems like an anthem for all the workers out there who go unnoticed like wait staff, construction works, and such.